Viral Video of the Week: Installment 13

By: John Obenauf Email
By: John Obenauf Email

Ladies and gentlemen, now that we’ve finally gotten that whole “election” thing out of the way, I think it’s about time we all took a collective exhale. Look, I know that things aren’t going to suddenly get “fixed” now that we’ve elected (or, I guess re-elected) our Commander in Chief – heck, it seemed like no matter who won, half of the country would still end up dissatisfied with the results. This whole “two party” system really seems to divide the country and, though there’s probably no “better” alternative than what we’ve got going right now, it’s just a shame that we have to bicker amongst one another so much about it – especially when you factor in that the majority of voters probably don’t even know half of a candidate’s policies. That’s why I decided not to vote again this year. Sure, I know that voting’s one of my “privileges” as an American citizen, but I just felt as though I, personally, did not know enough information to make a conscious decision for my future. That’s why I just sit back and let other people decide for me! It’s a great system, really. Not even quirky ads like this one could sway me from being lazy and socially irresponsible:

Alright, all this talk about politics is really starting to bum me out. And, what better way to switch gears from that than to something completely absurd: a girl playing football. Hilarious, right? Well, not so fast – she’s actually pretty good! See for yourself:

All “girls playing sports” jokes aside, can we all just appreciate how hilarious it is to watch miniature people play sports? I’m not sure it’s whether because children rarely grasp the rules/strategies of organized sports (I mean, heck, with kids that age, it’s even an accomplishment if they get it all in the toilet!), or whether it’s because adults need to find a more socially acceptable way for their children to disappoint them from an early age; all I know is that, when children and women try to play sports, it’s usually must-see – but only because it’s just so darn cute watching them try so hard. (Ah, dangit, I just couldn’t make it through that entire paragraph without a “girls playing sports” joke. Sorry!)

OK, I promise this is the last Halloween-related video I’m going to post. You have my word on that:

Alright, that’s enough child-related videos. Now for something completely different: LEGOs.

I’m not really sure which is worse: the ridiculous amount of money that the “ball-moving machine” costs, or the hours of cruel and unusual child-labor that went into assembling it. Ugh, and to think that, at one point in time, LEGOs used to be considered “fun” – now they’re all “science-y” and stuff. Lame!

Do you often find yourself saying “I like taking in way too much information in a short-span of time”? You do? Well isn’t that just dandy, I’ve got just the video for you: IMDB’s “Top 250” movies in 2 ½ minutes:

Welp, I don’t know about you, but my head hurts after that! This is exactly why we need to make dogs our personal assistants – you know, someone to lend a helping hand around the house? And, the best part about it: since they’re not human, it isn’t considered “unethical.” Just think about the possibilities! Not sold on it yet? Take a lesson from this dude:

D’awww, that little scamp. He doesn’t even realize he’s being used!

Alright guys, that’s going to just about do it. But, before we go, there’s one last thing I wanted to talk about this week: abortion.

Kidding, kidding. Wouldn’t that be such a bummer to leave on?

See everyone again next week!

John Obenauf
-may or may not have cried a little when I heard the news of Charles Barkley’s impending retirement from TV


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