By: Josh Myatt Email
By: Josh Myatt Email

Featured Review – Snow White and the Huntsman

Directed by: Rupert Sanders

Starring: Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth

Everyone has heard the cliché, “Actions speak louder than words.” The saying rings even more true in the movies. The characters we encounter on screen only have 90-120 minutes to convince us to care for them. The only way to do so is to give evidence. The same goes for our real life encounters. When you meet someone and all you’ve experienced is hearing talk about the things they’ve done, you may not connect with that particular person; heck you might not even believe them. So why would that work differently in a movie? It doesn’t, but some films tend to believe if they say enough good things about a character than the audience will fall for it. Snow White and the Huntsmen took this route and the result is a beautifully decorated empty shell.

The story tends to break off into three stories while attempting to make it all about one. For the first part, the only scenes the Evil Queen being—well you guessed it—evil. Twenty minutes, or may three hours, go by and all that’s seen is the Queen sucking the literal life out of younger females so that she herself can remain young. We also find out she goes cray-cray for eating pigeon hearts like I do for Dunkaroos. This goes on long enough that we almost forget that the Queen holds Bella Swan Snow White prisoner inside her castle. Eventually, the Mirror (which is actually a gong that melts into Alex Mack liquid) informs EQ that Snow’s “innocence and purity” bring out her demise, only to discover that the princess has escaped to the Dark Forest. Enter The Huntsman, aka Thor.

EQ strikes a deal that if Snow is brought back to her alive, Thor can have his recently-passed widow back (we’re not told if it’s Natalie Portman. I promise I’m done now). But when Huntsman captures Snow and questions EQ’s intentions, the Queen’s brother (who looks like a combination of the albino from Da Vinci code and this guy from the Starburst commercials) reveals that no one can be brought back from the dead. And so the Huntsman and Snow escape and meet off with the seven, maybe eight, dwarves but they are not the classic Sleepy and Grumpy dwarves from Disney because this movie is supposed to be serious. During this stint, the story drifts into the Huntsman territory where it seems the question for him is whether to believe/fall in love with Snow. Also during this stretch, SWATH tries to convey Snow’s “innocence and purity” by having her stare enchantingly at fairy tale creatures while one of the dwarves literally tries to convince the Huntsman, “She is life! Don’t you see?!”
From here, SW takes over and finds enough courage to lead an entire revolt against EQ’s army despite having only lesson in dagger wielding from the Huntsman. To our surprise, the one fighting move she learns conveniently turns out to be the move she needs to kill EQ and become Queen. What makes it a little too much to believe that SW can lead an entire army is that she never breaks away from being Bella Swan. We even have another love triangle, though it never really takes flight, between the Huntsman and SW’s childhood friend William. We never see moments of genuine intimacy but Huntsman still pines about how she has changed his life, thus making his true love’s kiss on SW when she’s apple-bitten unconscious, it’s more of a “it’s complicated”.

Bottom line, it’s difficult to make a character the savior of a kingdom and the source of innocence and joy when all she’s done is sit in a tower and dance with dwarves. While some of the visuals are indeed stunning, SWATH reads like 1500 word essay but the professor asked for 2500 so you have BS most of it.

Rotten Tomatoes Score – 48%

Other Releases


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Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet

The former highest grossing movie of all time now arrives on Blu-Ray. The film that launched the careers of Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet into superstardom can now be yours to never let go. In the new special edition, James Camerson gives a final word on the impact of the modern classic along with 30 deleted scenes and 60 behind-the-scene featurettes. Brush off the dust of your Celine Dion CD and relive one of the all-time classics in stunning high definition!

Rotten Tomatoes Score – 88%

What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Directed by: Kirk Jones

Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Cameron Diaz, Elizabeth Banks

Fan of cliché romantic comedies? Well you’ll hit the jackpot with What to Expect When You’re Expecting! You can watch the likes of J-Lo and Cameron D say funny-but-really-not-funny-at-all things about pregnancy! Woo-Hoo! Sepcial features include deleted scenes and documentary shorts on the movie’s inspiration from the book it’s adapted from.

Rotten Tomatoes Score – 23%

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