"Buckle up bitches, here we go," Melissa Gorga so eloquently describes the season finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Tonight's episode was so explosive that even we felt our hearts racing "500 times" just like Teresa Giudice felt when Angelo the hairdresser told her Melissa was a stripper.
At Kim DePaola's Porsche Fashion Show, the sleazy hairdresser waltzes up to Melissa's table to say hello to Mrs. Gorga. He asks her in front of all the girls if Melissa remembers him, and then walks away. Teresa becomes noticeably uncomfortable and everyone at the table observes her shift in mood. Melissa plays dumb and says she recognizes the man, but cannot remember how she knows him.
Melissa suddenly announces to the table that she has to pee. Classy. Teresa jumps up to go with her, and begins interrogating her sister-in-law. She tries to act like she has no idea whats going on and tries to casually pull information, but quickly blows up Melissa's spot. She looks guilty but denies it and confesses to the camera that it wasn't a gentleman's club, but a bikini bar. Thanks girl, that really clears it all up.
Meanwhile, Anthony goes around the party running his mouth, telling everyone that Melissa was a dancer for him. Then, Jacqueline Laurita gets a suspicious text from a friend saying that something is going to happen tonight, that she's not the target, and not to leave. Then she was told that Anthony wanted to explicitly embarrass Melissa. Hold the phone! Where is all of this vicious drama coming from? Someone is out to get poor Melissa, but who is really behind it all?!
Teresa continues to interrogate Melissa, trying to fuel the fire as usual and successfully gets her worked up. Mel calls her husband to fill him in on the situation. He freaks out (right on cue) and decides to drive in to New York to come to her rescue.
Back at the girls' table, everyone admits to having a bad feeling. Foreshadowing, anyone? Jacqueline points out the curious fact that Teresa and Kim went to a salon that Teresa doesn't normally go to. She also brings up her brother-in-law attending a women's fashion show. Looks like she's on to something...
Melissa goes outside to talk to Kathy Wakile and fills her in. They begin piecing clues together and Melissa says, "All the negative things that come my way are coming from Teresa." Everyone feels like Teresa planned this as a setup. Then Melissa admits to Teresa that she overheard that she purposely set her up. Boom! There goes Melissa and Teresa's mended relationship.
When Joe Gorga arrives to the party, he becomes huffy and puffy. Nobody messes with the Gorgas! He yells at Kim, telling her to go sniff a line and that she's scum of the Earth. That's one way to greet a party hostess.
Now it's time to start pointing fingers. In classic Teresa fashion, she turns the blame onto someone else: This time it's Jacqueline. Jacqueline looks into the camera and says that Teresa wants Melissa exposed for who she thinks she is: the gold digging copycat. Everyone has finally had enough of Teresa's drama. For real this time.
Joe says, "It's just another notch on the belt. I'm fed up. I just can't anymore. A person that tries to hurt you that bad doesn't love you. They don't, it's impossible. So I have closure, I just got to move on with my life." It seems that the rest of the housewives have also followed Joe's decision. We see a brief preview of the reunion show with Andy Cohen, which Jacqueline was too upset to attend.
Reality TV just got real, y'all.
So what's been going on in Franklin Lakes since the cameras stopped rolling?
Caroline has not spoken to Teresa since the reunion show was taped. Daughter Lauren has lost 35 pounds thanks to Lap-Band surgery and her beauty bar, Cafface, is thriving. Albie and Lindsey are no longer seeing each other.
Kathy Wakile's dream has finally come true: Her homemade cannoli kits hit the shelves this year. And she's only communicating with Teresa through text messages.
Melissa' single "How Many Times" made it to the top five on the iTunes charts. She and Joe put there house on the market for $3.8 million.
Jacqueline is focused on raising CJ and Nicholas. She says she hasn't seen Teresa since the fashion show.
After the fashion show, Joe texted Teresa that she is "dead" to him. Plus, she hasn't seen her brother since the fashion show. But that didn't slow her down, she wrote another best-selling book, Fabulicious! Fast & Fit. She recently apologized to her fellow castmates. Except Kathy.
Well, that episode should hold you over until next season! What did you think of the season finale? Sound off on all things Jersey in the comments!