Well folks, it’s that time of year again. And no, I’m not talking about Halloween. Halloween is for children and trashy college girls. I’m referring to something much more exciting than dressing yourself up as a slutty jar of mayonnaise: the NBA season. That’s right! It’s back on October 30th – that’s this upcoming Tuesday! And not a moment too soon either: college and NFL football are both kinda in their respective “midseason lull” stages, baseball just won’t go away, and I refuse to acknowledge soccer as a real sport (I see it as more of an “organized activity”). I know it’s only been a few months since we saw Bron-Bron finally throw the monkey off of his back in impressive fashion, but I’m going through some serious basketball-withdrawals right now. How the heck did I make it all the way to Christmas last year without the NBA?? Oh well, I guess I should just be happy that I got at least one present that didn’t suck last year (yea, thanks parents. I didn’t realize that “Christmas” now meant “hey let’s stop giving the loser cool things”).
Anyways, let’s get started with the videos, shall we?
Ok, I’m going to be honest: this first video kinda sucks. But hey, that’s why I’m putting it in first. I promise there won’t be any more bad videos after this one:
HEY, JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T GET THE JOKE, THE TITLE OF THAT VIDEO WAS “HOW TO PICK UP A GIRL AT THE GYM.” GET IT? Ugh, and that video has 11 million views in just about five days. I guess that just goes to show you that, no matter how awful your video might be, if you keep it under a minute, just about anyone’ll watch it. It also doesn’t hurt to throw an attractive girl in there too – just for good measure.
Ok, now that we got that stinker out of the way, there’s only true gems from here on out – trust me! Don’t believe me? Let’s see what Nick Offerman has to say about that:
Ahhh, No-Shave November: my favorite of the no-shave months. It’s just such a shame that I always end up looking less like Tom Selleck, and more like Adam Morrison (no, that’s not just some equipment dude who got really baked and wandered into a press conference – that dude actually plays basketball. Well, at least he tries to).
I JUST CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THAT HUNK TOM HANKS:
Tom Hanks doing slam poetry? Full House references? …Jimmy Fallon? (Oh well, at least 2/3 of those things aren’t too terrible).
Remember how I promised earlier in the blog that I wouldn’t include any more bad videos? Well… I take that back… Trust me, I really wasn’t planning on it – I just got lazy, ok?
You know what? To make up for all those subpar clips this week, here’s the most adorable video you’re going to see all week – guaransheed:
Well wasn’t that just precious? It’s crazy to think that you can only find those things in zoos these days! Oh well, I guess living a long and depressing life is better than living a short and fulfilled one? Maybe we need to invest in panda thereapists.
Alright everyone, that’s going to do it for this week. I hope you all have a great and safe Halloween weekend (or is it supposed to be next weekend? Maybe both? Ugh, being an adult is so complicated sometimes). See you all next week!
-David Stern’s Bridge partner at the local YMCA