Viral Video of the Week: Installment 9

By: John Obenauf Email
By: John Obenauf Email

OH HEY THERE. How was everyone’s week? I hope you all found a way to avoid the sheer soul-crushing boredom that is the first week of the MLB postseason – I mean seriously, is there any more boring of a playoff sport than professional baseball (and no, you can’t say the WNBA – that’s not a real sport, remember?)? And as if having to sit through a four-hour “nail-biter” weren’t enough excitement for you, TBS and TNT (the “official broadcasting partners of the MLB postseason”) apparently decided that they’re going to beat us senseless with that one same Bruce Springsteen song before and after every single commercial break – I thought baseball was supposed to be trying this whole “let’s try and appeal to the younger audience, because our five remaining fans are all ninety years old now” movement? Maybe it’s just me, but overplaying a song by anyone who still thinks leather vests are cool probably isn’t the most effective way to gain a younger fan-base. Hey, maybe if the MLB had an indomitable hero like Matt Cassel then they wouldn’t be stuck in this little predicament:

You know, for a starting quarterback whose best skill happens to be “flying under the radar,” this dude really knows how to sell a shoe. Alas, all good things must come to an end; a cruel lesson that Cassel was brutally reminded of this past weekend as he was cheered by his home crowd after being injured on a play. Hey, starting lineman Eric Winston, what do you make of all this?

Hey, speaking of a large crowd of uninformed lunatics, let’s talk Presidential Race 2012! Actually, on second thought, that sounds too exhausting. I’m just going to let The Simpsons sum it up for me instead:

Alright, I know what you’re thinking, and yes, The Simpsons is still on the air, somehow – only they're in a weird “TV show limbo” position right now, where FOX is trying to extend their title of “longest-running American sitcom,” and the only reason they’re allowed to keep going is because they’re just good enough to warrant staying afloat (well, “good enough” in relation to whatever other mediocre show FOX would have to put in its place -- even though that new show Mob Doctor looks soooo promising…). Just think of The Simpsons as the Titanic, and FOX as the lousy house band that proudly goes down with the ship (because everyone knows, were it not for the ship, that band would still be stuck in that dive of an Irish-Catholic pub)... The only real difference is that the Titanic’s band actually played something enjoyable in their dying moments…

Ok, while I try and sort out my impending lawsuit from FOX, here’s another voting-related video for your viewing pleasure:

I don’t know about you, but if that doesn’t make you worry about the food you’re eating, then I don’t know what will – I mean, heck, I’ll listen to just about anything that Dave Matthews (…or was that Jeremy Piven?) and that chick from Bones (I’ll admit, I had to look her up on Google. In case you were wondering, her name is “Zooey Deschanel’s lesser attractive older sister”) tells me. Boy, all this political responsibility is really starting to bum me out. Let’s switch gears, shall we?

Meanwhile, in Russia:

See? Hardboiled eggs can be fun, after all! Screw Quantum Systems, give this dude a Nobel – stat!

Hey, do you enjoy publicly shaming your animal(s)? Of course you do; domesticated animals thrive off humiliation – it’s been proven by science. That being said, here’s a video of a responsible owner putting their dissident pooch in its rightful place:

Alright, that’s going to do it for this week in YouTube Land. As always, feel free to leave a comment/concern/off-color remark in the comment section below. I wish everyone a safe and successful weekend – and remember: stay viral, my friends!

John Obenauf
-DJ Mbenga’s personal Financial Advisor/Pinky Ring Stylist

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